A Well-Lit Path: A Blog from Westtown School

When I was little, it seemed to snow and snow all winter.  I grew up in Maryland but if it was winter there was snow and ice.  Snow to sled on and ice to skate on.  Well, actually sledding was more like careening – as fast as you could, over the large speed bumps and landing with a thud on the frozen pond.  Skating was a process of trying and failing.

What’s to be learned from hours outside in the freezing cold?  Plenty. 

So, your child has been studying a language for years now. She dreams of traveling abroad and becoming immersed in the sights and sounds that accompany the language she’s been studying. Now that she has the key to open global doors, you want to do everything you can to help her get to her next destination.

Back when you were in high school, travel abroad was mostly a college thing, a rite of passage of sorts into adulthood. Not so anymore. The world our children live in is much more connected. This generation of children has the world at their fingertips, literally. For them, it’s not enough to hear about it and see it on their screen. They want to live it, to experience it first-hand.

Often it appears that successful parenting is measured by your child’s achievements. This may be at no time more evident than during high school, when grades begin to count, standardized test scores are no longer measurement tools for the school alone, and athletic prowess is more important than fun, games and exercise.

If your teenager is successful in these endeavors, it can be wonderfully satisfying to sit back and bask in the glow of their grades, trophies and college acceptances.

But what if your teen struggles academically, dislikes sports, and none of this is offset by musical, artistic or theatrical talent? What if your teenager is average? Or, even scarier, below average?

Most of the struggles of parenting of young children stem from children’s fierce desire to be independent.  In fact, independence is the work of childhood. 

From the moment children are born, all the milestones are about independence:  sitting up, holding a cup, crawling, walking.  Leap forward to learning to ride a bike without training wheels or jumping in the pool or go way out to the teenage years – one of the biggest milestones – learning to drive.  And what do you do when you learn to drive?  You drive away from your parents!

Our teenagers can employ some very powerful tactics to get us to change our minds. They've been observing us for years now, figuring out where our weak spots are, and perfecting their negotiation techniques and sales pitch methods. Most teenagers can predict if their parents fold under pressure, do best with data and facts, or if mood and time of day are predictors for successful mind changing. Here are a few of the top teen tactics, including some tips for how to stay strong during the onslaught.

As parents, it used to be hard to support young language learning kids as they work to expand their communication skills.

Often time parents are not confident in their own knowledge of the language students are pursuing at school. Other times, parents have had no exposure to it at all and are unable to support their children at home.

The good news is that, at most innovative schools, objectives in the language acquisition field have morphed and changed in recent years. Although we continue to hone in on refining reading, listening, speaking and writing skills, our ultimate goal is to foster communication first. Accuracy will follow as your student becomes developmentally ready.

So, in order to support your child’s language acquisition endeavors, I offer you three free online sites that will help students review, practice, and refine their language skills.

As a dean at an independent school, I sometimes have to call parents and tell them their child is in my office and has broken a major school rule. Sometimes, in their shock and dismay, a parent will say something like "how do you know it was my child?” and I can typically report back that their child told me the truth about whatever situation we are dealing with. Teenagers need quite a bit of room in order to tell the truth. Ironically, those parents who insist their child never be interviewed alone, or that their child never lies to them, are often surprised to find out that it is easier for me to get to the truth than it is for them. The only magic in my method is that I am not their parent, and perhaps I give them more space for honesty. First, let's explore why teenagers lie in the first place:

One of the primary differences between parenting now and parenting when we were growing up is our current fixation on the "relationship."

The measuring tool we use for this is what I refer to as “closeness points.” In some families it manifests itself in just how much free time the parents are willing to sacrifice for their children’s activities. In others, it is about how often your teenager texts or calls you per day. Independence used to be the goal of parenting, but now in many ways we foster dependence.

I would assert, perhaps unpopularly, that more important than the present relationship you have with your teenager is the future relationships your teenager will have with you, their employer, partner, children, peers, and even humanity. Often, building responsibility, independence, and integrity in your teen will require times when they feel frustrated, upset, and even angry with you.

Many teenagers are currently facing a particular version of peer pressure that is inspired by social media. As parents, we are aware of the potential for bullying, as well as photos that may at the least anger parents, and in some extreme cases result in the destruction of a reputation, or, unimaginably worse, tragedy.

But there are subtler forms of social pressure that many teens regularly feel. Parents need to know what those pressures are and how we can talk to our teenagers about them.

Here are my top four tips for how to help your teen avoid social media envy: